Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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