i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
