I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
