you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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