I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
