Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
