just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
