Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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