New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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