I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
