The maid of honor just puked.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
