I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
