I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
