I just saw a hot homeless man
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
