I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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