He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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