Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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