Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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