I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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