So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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