why didn't you poke me back
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
