just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I AM VODKA MAN
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
