I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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