i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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