they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
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Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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