he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
