I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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