I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
