i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
