so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sundayâ€
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