I only kidnapped one of them. chill
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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