in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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