If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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