Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
