i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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