Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We need to get me chipped asap
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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