Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How does it feel to date your dad?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
