just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I supernannyed him into submission
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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