Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
