Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
