omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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