Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
