were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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