are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize