If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
