In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh god it's open bar.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
