He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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