She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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