This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
