smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
