I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
