sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
