I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
