whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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