I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
