Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
