Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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